Physical Health

It's more than the gym. Whether you're taking your first yoga class, choosing healthier foods or deciding to quit smoking, physical health is an important part of gay men's lives. This section provides resources, articles and information about how you can live a longer, healthier life. We also have listings for our Professional Volunteers who specialize in physical health.

Sexual Assault - More Common than You Think

Posted by HIM on Thursday December 16th, 2010

And his penis was on my hip!

When your usually bashful friend eschews decency with an uncharacteristic exclamation like this in public I knew something was up. He had been referring to an incident that had happened at the club the previous week. He'd been dancing with friends when someone decided to get a little too close.

I thought the declaration was funny at first, but he was actually a little upset by it. It wasn't because the guy wasn't nice looking, on the contrary he's cute. The problem is that it was just uninvited and quite unwelcome.

The attention that some guys feel they ought to shower upon others can be nice, if it’s reciprocated. If it's consensual, otherwise it gets into the territory of sexual assault. Women have intimated that this is why they'd opt to come to gay clubs. It's because they're more free to enjoy their night out dancing without feeling preyed upon by guys with more sparkles on their shirts than Kathy Griffin's vagina.

Gay guys don't have quite the same easy out. Going to straight clubs is an option, but perhaps not the most welcoming of your passion for Gaga especially if you want to get some “discostick”. Now some might call this slightly hypocritical, but it's all a matter of consent. Wearing low rise jeans isn't an invitation for objectification.

So how do we walk the line of having a good time with your friends while not dismissing the possibility of having a hook-up? A little communication goes a long way, and a saucy *bitch please* look might be overkill. Let your friends know what's going on. Under the cover of the dance floor and through a haze of alcohol you can get their attention and have them intervene. This strategy can be as subtle or immediate as you'd like. Often little acts go a long way, and even changing where you are on the dance floor can be enough. Make out sluts can be slightly more overt about asserting themselves, and in this case you don't need to be subtle. If you're not into it, let them know especially if they're invading your personal space (read: mouth). If he's persistent tell your friends. Largely, the person will understand and move on, but if you ever feel threatened let the staff know as they are trained to deal with these situations.

There are plenty of other strategies that exist for preventing unwanted sexual advances:

Drinking in moderation keeps your judgement intact and will prevent people from trying to take advantage of you
Don't leave your drink unattended, and refuse drinks from strangers
Stay around people you trust, especially when travelling to and from places. If you do go off on your own, try to stay in bright areas
If you want to be intimate with someone, remember that you have the right to change your mind, as they do theirs.

Remember, consent is sexy.

-Keith Reynolds